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(Satire) Obama Announces 2009 NCAA Tournament Stimulus Plan
|Mar 15th, 2009
President Barack Obama has announced a stimulus plan for the 2009 NCAA Tournament. Under the proposal, the most successful teams will have wins removed from them and redistributed to the most inept squads.
At a rally to promote his plan, Obama told a citizen merely identified as “Joe the Face Painter” that the successful teams must “share the victories.”
The 2009 Big Dance brackets see
The surprising top seed in the Western Regional is
Biden retorted, “When the stock
market crashed, I recall President Franklin Pierce going on ESPN and reassuring
Obama also announced creation of the Gerrymandered grouping,
the “Somewhere in the Vicinity of the Pacific Ocean Region” in which
In a related note, President Obama’s choice for Selection Committee Chair, Dave Bliss has come under fire. Apparently unknown to the White House vetting committee is the fact that Bliss was fired as Baylor head coach when he tried to cover up circumstances surrounding the death of player Patrick Dennehy. Selection Sunday Spokesperson Jim Harrick called it “a minor transgression” and blamed the controversy on Rush Limbaugh.
This year’s NCAA Tournament will be broadcast exclusively
by MSNBC with radio play-by-play being handled by Air
Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews will handle objective commentary on television while Arianna Huffington of the Huff and Puffington Post does the radio chores.
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